taken from a random facebook fan page

What does it mean to Exclaimate yourself?

It's a declaration of who you are and how fabulous you are. It's freedom of acceptance of yourself, to yourself and to others.

Put your needs first, love yourself more than you love anyone or anything else. Does that sound selfish or self-centered maybe? That’s usually the first ...reaction. However, it truly isn't!

We like to use the airplane analogy. “Put the mask on yourself before helping others”. Think about that for just a moment…

i've hit that point where my friends are more of a family than my real family.


i hope that's how it's all supposed to work.

and i resist you just like this

you can't tell me to feel.

it don't break even

so...i've been right here the whole time.

please take note of the bold sections. kthx.

You wait, wanting this world
To let you in
And you stand there
A frozen light
In dark and empty streets
You smile hiding behind
A God-given face
But I know you're so much more
Everything they ignore
Is all that I need to see

You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in

I wish
Wishing for you to find your way
And I'll hold on for all you need
That's all we need to say
I'll take my chances while
You take your time with
This game you play
But I can't control your soul
You need to let me know
You leaving or you gonna stay

You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in

There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to do without
The only way to feel again
Is let love in

There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to live without
The only way to see again
Is let love in

You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in

let me die on my own terms, let me live, and let me learn

a selection of quotables...

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

When people walk away from you let them walk, People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person; it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.

come back, stop putting on the act

can't i have you just the way that i found you?

see that line? well i never should have crossed it.

:)


it's the very moment that i wish that i could take back


:)

what's your vice? you know that mine's the illusion

I am an artist. Saying it out loud leaves a metallic taste in my mouth, like I've been sucking on a bloody lip that just won't stop bleeding. It tastes recycled and tainted, loaded with expectations that I will never live up to. Titles are like that, I suppose. Titles are like that lined paper we are forced to use. There are all these lines. Some blue, some red. Some darker than others. Some crisp, some blurry. But these lines all have that one thing in common- they are loaded. Lines printed on a piece of paper are the worst kind of loaded question. They expect you to stay in the perimeters, all the while begging you to throw caution to the wind and cross that threshold. They give this allusion of safety, of protection that is nothing more than a simple misunderstanding. Those lines will not protect you from the overflow, from the fallout, from the mere excitement that you crave. Just as a title won't keep you in a job, lines on a sheet of paper won't keep you under control.

letting go of all i held onto, i'm standing here until you make me move

The only thing I want to teach my children is to be

FEARLESS.

To embrace life and follow their dreams, not to let anything stand in their way and the best way to teach anything is to lead by example.


So real world, BRING IT ON.

oh when it all, it all falls down.

Melinda had it right. Lock yourself in a closet and scream.

Whenever I feel magically inspired to write, I'm always busy. Then by the time I get to it, I no longer have a passion for the words.

Bummer.

you better pick it up, before you let it slip away

2009. [Part 1!]

Another decade comes to a close. Another year over...another year full of lessons learned...most of them the hard way. So here's my take on '09, complete with song lyrics.

This has been a year of firsts and lasts, and some in-betweens.

//faith makes everybody scared/it's the unknown, the don't know/that keeps me hanging on and on and on to you// [Unknown - Lifehouse]


Falling in love and falling out of love hurts with equal intensity. It's the unknown that's so incredibly frightening. That same unknown is also unbearably exciting. It hurts so bad to want something you may never have, hurts the same to know the one thing you've always had is no longer what you've always wanted. But you live, you learn, and you love. It works out when it's supposed to.


//when everything is said and done/you won't have one thing left/what happened to everything i've ever known// [Ticket to Heaven - 3 Doors Down]


I'm losing my job in 4 weeks. I'm not sure how to feel. I'm happy because this NEEDS to happen. I need me back. I need to stop making myself sick. I need to be free. I'm sad because this is all I've allowed myself to know for the last 3 years. This job kept me so busy I lost myself, which at the time seemed perfectly acceptable. I didn't want to deal with my failing relationship, failing health, failing everything...and I didn't have to. I had a job. That was all that mattered. Now? I have nothing left. Nothing but the pieces. This next year I'm going into rebuild mode. Work on me. Fix me. The IMPORTANT stuff. Which is one of the scariest things I'll ever do.


//so sick of falling apart/and crawling back again/so sick of playing this game that i can never win// [I'm Gone, I'm Going - Leslie Roy]


I have made some of the greatest friends...and lost a few that should have never been around in the first place. My new words to live by:

"When people walk away from you: let them walk, People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person; it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead."

i've got something to say

but i've got no where to turn.

and if this night won't let me rest

I wish I could care as much about my life as I did about theirs. I just, I don't know. I can't even be as involved in my life as I was in theirs. They aren't real. They are a family, in a book, that was on the bargain table at my store. Pure fiction. I imagine if I should ever finish my novel, it would read like that...intense, conflicted, scared...and lost. So completely LOST.

Sometimes it all has to just fall apart. You have to hit rock bottom in order to find any sort of way out, to see any sort of light at the end of the tunnel. It gets to the point where you're not even sure if you want a way out, or if you just want the earth to stop moving. EVERYTHING to just stop, but eventually it unfreezes and everything is the way it was...and "the same" has never done anyone any good.


Still lost. Still so very, very lost.

I've never felt something so strong

I'm sitting here looking at my portfolio. It's staring back with some major intensity. I'm thinking if it could talk it would be extremely pissed at me...for leaving it for so long, for letting it get so dirty. It would definitely have some abandonment issues. Can't say I blame it, I'd be pissed too.

i'm going to be late to work today

and that's alright with me.

I've been horrifically pensive the last couple days. It's just insane. All these possibilities unfolding...i feel like I'm graduating high school again. I have so many potential directions, I don't know which way to go. It's really overwhelming. Even right now, all I want to do is sleep. Maybe it's because I'm still not sleeping through the night, maybe it's because I'm really really sad about my life crashing down...I really don't know. All I do know is that I'm going to be late to work today, because I forgot to get gas yesterday...whoops.

I think I'm going to get ready for work now...sad face.

just remember

the only way to move is forward and the only place to go is up.

look, you're standing alone.

Everything that happens, shapes us. Every event, every choice - every single moment becomes our past almost as quickly as it was our present.

There's this weird point in life where everything changes...all of the sudden you're an adult with responsibilities, with a life partner, with kids. It's all there and it's not going anywhere. You're stuck. Metaphorically standing still while everything continues around you. It's that point where you realize the world, your life, your job...everything will, in some way, continue as if you were never there.


So then you ask yourself...is it worth it? What am I here for? You question all of your choices, all of your thoughts. You question your questions.


And you still never get a straight answer.

baby, it's cool but i knew it was game

Didn't think I would find out?

I did.

Don't worry.

It was

NOTHING

to me either.

the more we take, the less we become.

My store is closing. Sad? Of course. Stressful? Very. Good for me? ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY.

I have given up my friends, my family, my art, my games, my sleep, my life for that store. Was it worth it? Yes and no. I turned a broken store into a profitable business. That takes work. I'm proud of myself. I gave up EVERYTHING to do that. That breaks my heart. I'm sorry.

We all make decisions based on what feels right at the time. We all get presented with opportunities too good to pass up, so we take them. We take that high-paying job and the status that comes with it because, well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I never thought I'd lose myself in a job. Of all the things I've done, all the things I've gotten myself into, I NEVER once thought I would lose my identity in a job. A GOOD JOB. But I did. I began to live up to the standards on my business card instead of my own. I turned into this professional young woman that people had to respect and answer to. I had a title, a salary, a store....all at 22. That's mildly impressive. But it's not me. I'm not entirely sure who I am or who I want to be, but I want more out of life than what I had. I don't need to do something just because I'm good at it. [If I lived by that theory I'd be in medical school right now...lol]

I want to finish school, work on my novels, keep up with my blogs, create some masterpieces. I want to live. I want to be free. I want to breathe. I want intensity. I want passion. Life is just too short to spend my time doing something that I'm not sure I want to do.

For all of you that know me well, I don't believe in regrets. Everything I've ever decided to do was exactly what I wanted at one time or another. I LOVED that job - the good, the bad and the ugly - but it was wearing on me. It's too much, and it's a bittersweet ending. I will stick around until the end because 1161 is my baby. I want to shut her doors for the last time, and I'll cry, she's been my everything for so long. I know, deep down, that closing her doors are opening up a world of possibilities for me. And I'm okay with that.