you better pick it up, before you let it slip away

2009. [Part 1!]

Another decade comes to a close. Another year over...another year full of lessons learned...most of them the hard way. So here's my take on '09, complete with song lyrics.

This has been a year of firsts and lasts, and some in-betweens.

//faith makes everybody scared/it's the unknown, the don't know/that keeps me hanging on and on and on to you// [Unknown - Lifehouse]


Falling in love and falling out of love hurts with equal intensity. It's the unknown that's so incredibly frightening. That same unknown is also unbearably exciting. It hurts so bad to want something you may never have, hurts the same to know the one thing you've always had is no longer what you've always wanted. But you live, you learn, and you love. It works out when it's supposed to.


//when everything is said and done/you won't have one thing left/what happened to everything i've ever known// [Ticket to Heaven - 3 Doors Down]


I'm losing my job in 4 weeks. I'm not sure how to feel. I'm happy because this NEEDS to happen. I need me back. I need to stop making myself sick. I need to be free. I'm sad because this is all I've allowed myself to know for the last 3 years. This job kept me so busy I lost myself, which at the time seemed perfectly acceptable. I didn't want to deal with my failing relationship, failing health, failing everything...and I didn't have to. I had a job. That was all that mattered. Now? I have nothing left. Nothing but the pieces. This next year I'm going into rebuild mode. Work on me. Fix me. The IMPORTANT stuff. Which is one of the scariest things I'll ever do.


//so sick of falling apart/and crawling back again/so sick of playing this game that i can never win// [I'm Gone, I'm Going - Leslie Roy]


I have made some of the greatest friends...and lost a few that should have never been around in the first place. My new words to live by:

"When people walk away from you: let them walk, People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person; it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead."