the more we take, the less we become.

My store is closing. Sad? Of course. Stressful? Very. Good for me? ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY.

I have given up my friends, my family, my art, my games, my sleep, my life for that store. Was it worth it? Yes and no. I turned a broken store into a profitable business. That takes work. I'm proud of myself. I gave up EVERYTHING to do that. That breaks my heart. I'm sorry.

We all make decisions based on what feels right at the time. We all get presented with opportunities too good to pass up, so we take them. We take that high-paying job and the status that comes with it because, well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I never thought I'd lose myself in a job. Of all the things I've done, all the things I've gotten myself into, I NEVER once thought I would lose my identity in a job. A GOOD JOB. But I did. I began to live up to the standards on my business card instead of my own. I turned into this professional young woman that people had to respect and answer to. I had a title, a salary, a store....all at 22. That's mildly impressive. But it's not me. I'm not entirely sure who I am or who I want to be, but I want more out of life than what I had. I don't need to do something just because I'm good at it. [If I lived by that theory I'd be in medical school right now...lol]

I want to finish school, work on my novels, keep up with my blogs, create some masterpieces. I want to live. I want to be free. I want to breathe. I want intensity. I want passion. Life is just too short to spend my time doing something that I'm not sure I want to do.

For all of you that know me well, I don't believe in regrets. Everything I've ever decided to do was exactly what I wanted at one time or another. I LOVED that job - the good, the bad and the ugly - but it was wearing on me. It's too much, and it's a bittersweet ending. I will stick around until the end because 1161 is my baby. I want to shut her doors for the last time, and I'll cry, she's been my everything for so long. I know, deep down, that closing her doors are opening up a world of possibilities for me. And I'm okay with that.