glad i give you the world.

it's just that

you make me confused

and you're stuck in my head

really. that's what it is.

i miss you.

so much.

and the worst thing is

you're not here

and you're not there

i needed to talk.






shocker. no one wanted to listen.

and, with that, i smiled.

im thinking i want to start a new blog.

but i'll keep this one

because i love this one.

like a fat kid loves cake.

or, like i love doritos.

thats a really strong love right there.

woot.

i'm so tired

i hate my job (today)

i really wish i had my ps2 cord.

i really really wish i could take a nap, but i can't stop thinking.

i really hate my job today.

a lot.

mike got there at 1:04. i was ready to chuck books at his head by 1:08.

and, mandi is injured, so she isn't nearly as able to do things like she could before she hurt herself.

gah.

oh, and i work tomorrow.

it's my day off.

i miss jeff too...he works until late.

FUCK.

i want to start over tonight
beginning with you and i.

oh what a night!

it was FABULOUS!

and amazing.


haha good times :)

blah

i just don't know how i feel about it. because i could make the WRONG decision.



but then again, it could be the best decision i have ever made.

fill me up

don't tell me what to think
because i don't care this time
don't tell me what to believe
because you won't be there
to catch me when i fall


don't tell me how life is
because i don't really wanna know
don't tell me how this game ends
because we'll just see how it goes
catch me when i fall



...

oh look what you've done.

andrew came to visit me, it was really nice. he's a good guy. he always reads the post secret books. and it always makes me think about my secrets and what they mean.

but most importantly, i read those horrible things about hating yourself and wanting to die, and i feel relieved that i am no longer in that place.

i'm so much better now.

and it's nice.

i still don't like my body much, and i have this horrible relationship with food, but im working on it.

grr

stress


sucks.

i'm just kind of blah

today i was horribly lazy.

it was bad.

happy valentines day

i'm going to be a doctor.

like a shrink.

more or less an art therapist.

i want to help kids.




and i can't believe i am getting paid for this paper.

creative inspiration

today i went to that new art gallery downtown. it made me happy to see such beautiful art, but then i got sad because lately, i am incapable of producing anything of quality.

i am currently reading two books to help me through my creative constipation:

the creative license by danny gregory
and
getting unstuck without coming unglued: a woman's guide to unblocking creativity by susan o'doherty

hopefully chicago will awaken my senses again. i need inspiration and i dont know where to find it.

life is short

Woman dies in one-car crash

Posted by The Grand Rapids Press February 09, 2008 21:59PM

Categories: Breaking News

LEELANAU COUNTY -- A Traverse City woman was killed Saturday in a one-car crash.

Police said woman, identified by family as Roxanne Boursaw, 48, was driving on South Westbay Shore Drive just south of San Remo Boulevard. around 3:45 p.m. when her car struck a tree.

Cousin John Barnes, of Comstock Park, said Boursaw was raised on Old Mission Peninsula and was a descendant of the region's earliest settlers.

"As an adult, she went back to college to earn a teaching degree. She especially loved literature, the arts, and was deeply involved in the Traverse City Film Festival," he said. "She dearly loved her family and the bay and a midnight bonfire sharing both."

--------

when it doesn't rain
it snows
yeah the cookie crumbles
but in whose hand
all things said
and plenty done
life is short.

and, wisconsin cheese.

so many people want to find themselves.
i don't. well, i mean, i found myself.
afterall, i am right here typing this.
but i want to work on my creativity and being the fearless artist i used to be.
art school ruined me a little bit.
it made me more concerned with what others thought of my work than what i thought.
i don't feel that i learned anything except how to do what i'm told and draw from a picture in a book.
i don't feel like i produced much REAL art. it feels processed and artificial. like american cheese.
there really isn't american cheese. its fake, processed, and dyed yellow.

i want to be a wisconsin cheese - original and full of flavor.

the art of the do-over

for all who know me, you are well versed in my opinion of the necessity of do-overs. somethings just need to be re-done. and as for me, i need a do-over.

when i started this blog it was all about...well i'm not really sure. but i deleted all of those posts. I am a NEW person. I have grown intellectually, emotionally and physically (damn that dollar menu at mickey d's!)

despite me being a WHOLE NEW PERSON, parts of me still need to be re-done. for instance, i would like to shed the excess insulation that is so protectively guarding my six-pack. and even though i am more confident now than i have been ever in my life, there is still a lot of work to be done. but, i love myself.